Now We're Both On The Pill
by SimplyShelbySJL
Summary: She looks up at Chuck who stutters, “Wha... what are you... those are... um...” he trails off, frowning. “Are you taking viagra?” she asks it suddenly slipping out of her mouth before it can stop it. CB 1-shot Request from kiki08


Title: _**Now We're Both On The Pill**_

Author: Shelby

Requested By: kiki08

Summary: She looks up at Chuck who stutters, "Wha... what are you... those are... um..." he trails off, frowning. "Are you taking Viagra?" she asks it suddenly slipping out of her mouth before it can stop it. CB 1-shot. Humor

Disclaimer: Come on people I don't own Gossip Girl. You would know if I did, trust me.

A/N: My second request! This one was very fun to write, it's a little mature, you have been warned! Also this takes slightly in the future. Chuck and Blair are together during their second semester of their freshman year at Yale. They were together, broke up for a week, and now just got back together.

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Blair smiled with closed eyes as she began to awake from a very nice, and long night. The sun was shining in the window of her and Chuck's apartment right onto her, warming her face. She looked down at Chuck's arms wrapped around her protectively while he slept on the other side of her. Waking up like this every morning was definitely a big plus to being a Bass's girlfriend, she thought with a small spreading across her face. She then reached a hand up examining a strand of her messy hair. Sure last nights repetitive activity had been enjoyable, but it definitely took a toll on her looks the next morning. She felt Chuck shift in bed a little and her eyes went wide.

"Shit," she whispered. She didn't want him to see her like this. She wanted to look like a godess when he woke-up, that way they could pick up right from where they were last night. She carefully removed his tight grasp around her and rolled out of bed. She then tiptoed over to the bathroom, silently closing the door behind her.

Once in the bathroom she turned on the shower and stripped her clothes stepping in. She smiled seeing he had bought her favorite brand of shampoo. She had been a little worried since she had just moved in. She scrubbed her hair quickly, rinsed and stepped out, wrapping a towel around her. After drying off she wrapped her hair up with her towel and slipped into one of Chuck's silk robes hanging on the back of the bathroom door.

"That's better," she smiled looking at herself in the bathroom mirror. She then began blow drying her hair, thankful Chuck was such a heavy sleeper. When she was finished and her curls lay below her shoulders she decided her legs could use a little lotion. It's not that they were dry, but a nice scent on them always turned Chuck on.

"Hmm..." she said trying to decide on where he would keep it. She looked under the sinks cabinets at first, but not much was under there. She then looked in a deep drawer, but no luck was there either. Finally she opened the medicine cabinet wondering why she hadn't looked there first.

She began reading off the labels of things as she searched for lotion, "Advil, Axe, shaving cream, cologne, Viagra, Tylen... whoa what?" Her eyes immediately flew back to the white medicine bottle, containing blue pills.

Her eyes widened as she read the label agan, "Viagra?" Chuck Bass had viagra? She was too shocked to giggle. She reached for it, picking it up and opening it. Maybe it wasn't his, she thought. Maybe someone got it as a joke... whoa it was almost empty. She stared down into it in awe.

"Blair what are you doi..." the door opened, but Chuck trailed off staring at her and the contents in her hand.

Her eyes widened as Chuck looked on her in horror. She accidentally dropped the bottle, the blue pills spilling all over the floor. Chuck looked down at them, remaining silent. She also believes his breathing has stopped like her own.

Blair immediately drops herself to the floor and begins picking up the pills. Chuck just stares down at her. After a few seconds she realizes what she's doing and jumps up abandoning the pills in her hand letting them fall to the floor again. She looks up at Chuck who stutters, "Wha... what are you... those are... um..." he trails off, frowning.

"Are you taking viagra?" she asks it suddenly slipping out of her mouth before it can stop it.

Chuck's mouth drops open and he stares down at the pills on the floor again before looking up at Blair scoffing, "What me? No.. psh... please."

Blair raises an eyebrow, "The bottle was almost empty Chuck."

He curses under his breath before trying to laugh it off, "Come on Blair you forget who you're talking to I'm Chuck Bass, Chuck Bass taking viagra that's... that's absurd."

Blair raises her eyebrow at him crossing her arms, "So who's bottle is it then?"

Chuck breathes a heavy laugh scoffing, "I don't know."

A smirk appears on Blair's face and she suddenly burst out loud laughing, "Oh my god it is yours! You!" she points through giggles, "Chuck Bass are taking Viagra." She then begins imitating him, "Mr. Hey baby I lay girls all the time, and I'm Chuck Bass," she scoffs, "Did I mention I can't get an erection?"

Chuck frowns glaring at her as he bends down picking up the pills and throwing them in the toilet, flushing it. Blair laughs grabbing his arm, "Chuck wait are you sure you want to flush the self help pills?"

Chuck slams the toilet seat down glaring up at her. She stops giggling as she notices his mood is not playful. He grabs her arm speaking in a low voice, "Chuck Bass does not take Viagra, he does not need help," he looks down, "there and if you ever tell anyone about this Waldorf you'll regret it."

Blair's face is serious and he's about to breathe his sigh of relief, but then she smiles giggling, "Maybe... but I still won't be the one taking Viagra." With that she practically falls to the floor in laughter. Chuck glares sighing as he walks past her.

"I refuse to stand here and listen to your annoying laughter," he hisses leaving the bathroom.

Blair laughs calling out to him, "Oh don't me be mad dear! Look at it this way now we both can say we're on the pill!" with that she continues laughing, in tears now.

In the bedroom Chuck is in his closet changing into an outfit trying to ignore Blair's constant giggles. All of the sudden he hears the bathroom door shut and her giggles fall silent. He frowns, "No way she'd let this one go like that," he then walks out of his closet, taking silent steps towards the bathroom. He puts his ear to the door listening to what she's doing.

He hears a low whisper giggle and then, "Serena it's me B, guess what."

Chuck's eyes widen and he immediately goes to rip the door open with the doorknob. It's locked and he hears a gasp inside as he bangs on the door, "BLAIR! OPEN THE DOOR NOW! I SWEAR TO GOD BLAIR IF YOU SAY ANYTHING!" He then runs to his dresser looking for a key hearing her.

"Shit, yes that's Chuck... Oh he's just mad because... no we're not fighting... Serena listen..." Chuck finds the key running towards the door and shoving it in. He flings the door open and Blair looks up frightened for a moment.

"Serena Chuck is taking vi..." Chuck grabs the phone from her dropping it in the toiled like the pills. It makes an electrical static sound and the screen goes black. Blair stares back up at him in horror while Chuck smirks, "Told you, you'd regret it."

They both stare at each other for a moment when they hear someone downstairs, "CHUCK! BLAIR! CAN I BORROW SOME COFFEE!?" It's Nate. Blair immediately smirks. Chuck frowns opening his mouth as his eyes widen. Blair then darts off towards the stairs. Chuck follows her, taking after her faster than he ever has.

"NATE! NATE GUESS WHAT!" Blair screams running down the stairs. Nate looks up at Blair with Chuck running behind her. Nate looks slightly frightened.

Chuck waves his hands at Nate, "DON'T LISTEN TO HER NATHANIEL SHE'S AN EVIL HORRIBLE PERSON! GET OUT NOW WHILE YOU STILL CAN!" He catches the end of her robe, but she pulls it away jumping down three steps.

She's going towards Nate in the kitchen now, deciding she'll jump over the couch. She does a leap, "NATE CHUCK'S TAKING VIA..."

She's cut of as Chuck grabs her both falling backwards on the couch. He pins her down covering her mouth quickly. He then looks up at Nate glaring, "Leave if you want to live to see tomorrow Archibald."

Nate stares on at Chuck and Blair. He's scared of Chuck at the moment. He starts backing out the door looking at Blair. She's waving her arms shaking her head. "Yeah... I'll see you guys later," he says before dashing out the door in fear.

When he's gone Chuck sighs removing his hands from Blair's mouth. He makes no move to unpin her from the couch though as he glares at her, "You..." he seethes, "I told you not to tell anyone."

She glares up at him, "You threw my new phone in the toilet."

He scoffs, "You were calling Serena miss chatterbox to tell her I was taking Viagra." Blair's eyes widen and she smiles. Chuck feels like smacking himself.

She then giggles pointing up at him, "You are taking it!"

He grabs her hand shoving it back down, "NO!" he softens his voice, "Okay so maybe I was taking it, but it was before we got back together." Her smirk only grows larger at this. He glares continuing, "I was having problems, well we," he motions towards his friend, "Were having problems, it seems he," down at his friend again, "has a cetain taste in women, one to be specific. So I had to invest in some help, very little of it, but some help for a little while..."

Blair begins to giggle again, but Chuck quickly cuts in again, "But I haven't taken it since we got back together so... I'd appreciate it if we could forget this whole thing." He stares down at her trying to flash seductive eyes so she will give into his command.

She breathes in, pursing her lips as she narrows her eyes showing she is thinking about it. He raises his eyebrows in hopefulness. Blair then surprises him giving one hard push upwards and knocking him off her and the couch. He stares up at her in shock, confused as she glares down at him standing up. "Blair what the hell was that for?!" he says getting up slowly.

As soon as he is standing up she charges towards him poking a finger in his chest, "Chuck Bass we break up for one week and you're already trying to get it on with other women!?"

His eyes widen as he begins backing up, but she only follows him waiting for an answer. "It wasn't working though... remember Viagra, funny, funny Blair?" he smiles innocently.

She glares giving him a push so hard he falls backwards to the floor again. She then smiles a sarcastic sweetness and bends down, "Well I hope you have another bottle somewhere sweetie because you won't be getting anymore from me for a long time." With that she stands up, turns on her heal and walks out of the room, her hips swaying seductively with attitude. Chuck groans falling backwards and staring up at the ceiling.

"At least no one else will know," he breathes trying to look at the bright side. He decides to stay downstairs and let her cool off for a little while before attempting the bedroom again. After watching some trashy show on MTV he clicks off the television walking upstairs. When he enters the bedroom she has her school books layed on out on the bed in front of her. She smirks up at him and he's confused.

She then looks over at the dresser, "You're phone has a text message sweetheart." With that she looks back down to her books. He throws her another confused look before looking up to see his cell phone buzzing again. He walks over picking it up slowly and clicking the read button scanning over it.

_Hey Upper East Siders! Gossip Girl here and I have the biggest news ever! Do you all remember a retired player by the name of Chuck Bass? Well it seems he really has lost it... the power to get it on with any girl that is. Seems someones on the pill, the little blue one that is. Check out the proof picture below if you don't believe me._

_XOXO,_

_GOSSIP GIRL_

Below was a picture of an empty Viagra pill placed neatly next to a familiar scarf. Chuck lifted his head over to a chair in the corner of the room noticing the same scarf and pill bottle. He dropped his phone turning towards Blair who was smirking up at him from the bed. She smiles sweetly, "Something wrong sweetie? You look like you've lost something?" She then leans back, "If you want I could go get another bottle for you."

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A/N: Please tell me this made you laugh. I really hope so, I had trouble writing it believe it or not. Please tell me if it was any good or if you'd like me to try again.


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